Day of Surrender
This day has special importance attached to it in both prongs of my ministry: sexual and substance abuse, and will be posted in both blogs. It was how God used my substance abuse addiction to have me placed in Federal custody where He would provide healing for my sexual issues as well. This was the day I was arrested in 2002.
The day began innocently enough as I made my way to the post office in Carolina, Puerto Rico. I needed to hurry because I wanted to spend as much time as I could celebrating the birthday of my then wife, Mayra. I was going to take her to her favorite Mexican restaurant. Never had I ever gone before based upon my dislike of ethnic food especially those seasoned enough to hurt me. It was always all about me, but today I was wanting to change my life and make it about someone else. She deserved it because she was a good woman. A week prior, I threw away my crack-pipe wanting to begin a new life. I knew it was possible but in all honesty I just didn’t know how to make it happen, but God had the answer.
About three o’clock in the afternoon, after retrieving the wrapped mailer supposedly containing the child pornographic video I was going to turn over to the police, I was arrested in the parking lot. I had been caught up in a multi-agency sting operation. They thought they’d caught themselves a new pedophile but what they really had was a man who was crying out for help in ridding his drug addiction. They thought they were reeling me in when all along it was God making provisions for me where He and I would spend 765 days of uninterrupted quality time. Although hurt and embarrassed while the agents searched our home looking for evidence to further implicate me, God began His own searching within my heart to get rid of the evidence which would have further prevented our being able to have a well-meaning relationship.
My substance abuse addiction would end and as an added bonus God would also get rid of the most devastating, life-controlling sexual addiction I had since the age of six of exposing myself. I remember the second night in isolation God asked me not to do something I had done since the age of eleven. It, too, was a problem. Masturbating. He told me, “I have many things to reveal to you but I cannot if you do this.” It was the first time since it started thirty-four years prior I had ever stopped. When it appeared the victory was won regarding this is when several months later He spoke to me saying, “Roy, which is harder for Me to heal, your addiction to drugs which you cannot do in here or masturbating which can be accomplished here but you haven’t in over a year?” I answered, “Masturbating”. He responded, “If you believe I have healed you of this, then why can’t you believe I have healed you of the easier one of drug addiction?” It was then I knew healing was offered but cannot be actualized until I accepted. I accepted.
Before I would leave I had an occasion to expose myself to one of the more attractive female guards while making her rounds in the middle of the night when I came face to face with the reason why I did what I did for so many years. When I share this story I liken the feeling as if there was another presence in the room. It was that strong. I then recognized since the age of six, I was under the influence of satanic influences. Yes, modern day possession. I don’t know how it began but I can tell you when it ended and I was now a free man.
Now looking back at that time I do not regret being arrested. I don’t like being a registered sex offender, especially a Level 3, but with what I have gained by those twenty-six months of incarceration was a freedom never before experienced in my life, and it was certainly worth every minute of it. I don’t feel I have lost anything but gained more in the end, that of having a chance for eternal life. There are sacrifices to be made but we can never come close to the Great Sacrifice made on our behalf. This is why I stated in my book in the very beginning, “I asked God to save me and if this is the way He chosen to do it, can this be alright with you?”
It better be, because it is just fine with me. God bless…
Tags: 12-Steps, Addiction, Child Pornography, Recovery, registered sexual offender
